more triggers

Nov 16, 2016

The ptsd of holding your living baby when the last baby of yours that you held was physically dead, is so real. D3 and I were chillin and idk what happen. I guess he just fell asleep really hard and fast. I'm used to hearing his breathing. Seeing his nerves twitch. His gradual drifting off. I'm used to him. Well last night he went from 100 to 0. All I know is everything was normal and when I looked down he was still as a door nail. I can't describe the heart drop. I literally froze. I opened his mouth and his tongue was unnaturally cleaved to the roof of his mouth. I reckon that muscle would've been relaxed if he was gone but I couldn't think straight. Couldn't see or hear breathing and he was expressionless. I shook his shoulder and exclaimed "Dwayne!". Finally a physical response, I saw a facial expression. Called him again and he woke up with the cry n breathing I needed to hear. That shut down wasn't normal. the room was cold and if I can be honest. It didn't feel like he was sleeping. It felt like he died. And came back to life.

I'm still unclear of the details.

Just a regular Tuesday evening!


No comments:

Post a Comment