theres a time

Sep 16, 2016

year ago I was mourning the fresh death of my baby. Today I'm exploding with anticipation to meet her baby brother tomorrow. It is our time.

It's our time for laughter, dancing, and peace. I've always said everything comes around full circle...for whatever that's worth. We parents gift our children with life and other priceless gifts throughout the journey. I know the gift of life that has lead to her forever life is the greatest gift I could've ever given Joislen. Yes greater than my limited love or an earth life. My love wasn't enough to "save her". But His, has eternal keeping power. She's safe in that. some of my ladies made me realize this week the invaluable gift she gave me. And continues to give me. The lessons I've learned, the people I met, the angels I now know -- are not severable from her divine purpose, it's all tied in. A love, thanksgiving, and compassion to the next level was by way of everything that has been revealed related to her.

Alas, the best gift Joislen gave me was the freedom to take care of myself. I have always been a giver to the point where very very very few people know how much I neglect myself. The unexpected turn of events with Joislen FORCED me to take care of myself. It made me so cripplingly aware of my inability to do anything. It increased my reliance on God to the umpteenth power. And then I realized, I needed help. I needed support. I needed an ear. I needed prayer. I needed someone to look out for me. I needed to take the time out to make sure iiiiiiii was okay. This pregnancy I did things for myself I've never had the luxury of. Regular acupuncture counseling and massage frequent check ups taking the vitamins I need. I had the liberty to do whatever I needed to do to be okay without any pressure or restrictions. I got to meet my heart, and learn the things that helped her stop bleeding. Expression and creativity are my beloved companions, and staying busy in good stuff. These things have made the process more tolerable. It's a transitional time. And I'm so so so thankful for every wrong turn and crushing reality that has brought me to this moment. for such a time as this.

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.”
‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:1-8‬ ‭KJV

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