Today was interesting. I never know when the overwhelming feeling to break down is going to come. I learned that about an hour ago while I was driving. Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" was playing on Pandora, and I was actually trying to listen to all upbeat music today, but the shuffle does what it wants.
I was okay until the last verse of the song came thru the speakers:
"I hope life treats you kind.
And I hope you have all you...dream of.
And I wish you JOY & happiness.
But above all this, I wish you...love."
Now, I never got to hear my Goddaughters' voice. But sometimes, I can hear her talking to me. Sound weird? I don't care. She calls me Titi, and she has the sweetest voice I've ever known. When I heard that part of the song, I knew it was her speaking to me. I'm crying typing this. In my heart, there is no question that JT is having such a great time in Heaven. She wouldn't want me to cry. I believe she would want me to remember feeling her kick in Mommy's tummy, and getting to hold her, getting to dress her, getting to kiss her.
She would want me to make sure I catch those moments Adrian Cruz Taylor (her namesake) is looking up at the sky or the ceiling, eyes moving around, smiling, making noises,playing with his older cousin, and he does this very often.
This is not going to be easy. My faith is still strong, but I'm human, and my only Goddaughter will have the most wonderful party in the greatest place where we all want to get to. She's doing great. 💛 Doesn't make me miss her any less.💛