Wow. Probably only Carla knows the extent of my grief with the whole cuddle cot process. It's been a nightmare. Straight up. It's been bad. I have reached out to Lori, the head of the US cuddle cot initiative a handful of times for encouragement along the way as I've been given the run around a lot and needed some mentorship. I mean even the purchasing of the cot was an internal battle that only Lori knows about. But thankfully one is in Palomar and has been used with no issues, in memory of Evelyn Rose--thanks to my OB instructor who since Joislen died has taken on the task of heading up the perinatal loss endeavors at her hospital.
I love ucsd for evening being willing to go through what it takes to make changes so I'm certainly not bashing them. But we have been mishandled in the process to say the least. One poor mom had a loss there, and I was offering her telephonic support, and told her to ask for the cot. It was then I learned the cot wasn't in use at Ucsd. A lot happened between then and now. But fast forward a bit. And after my head did 3 full circles yesterday I think people started realizing that it just has not been okay. In short there's always a process to get new things implemented. I'm okay with processes. I'm not okay with being ignored, no communication, blah blah blah. It's a lot of crap and I'll spare the details. BUT ANYWAY I finally got a call today from the nurse manager. That the use of the cot has been approved and they have to just order a chemical solution and train the staff on how to use it. (As she's talking a gorgeous yellow butterfly loops overhead on the freeway might I add) She sounded so concerned with the operational side of it that I fretted that they forgot the heart of the cot. It's easy to use much like a heating pad or iron...(but cold) there's nothing to it. The real education point is on staff feeling comfortable introducing it. (I'll include the shpeal in the comment section) the nurses in the bereavement committee confessed their discomfort with it all. I am working on my 2nd research project in school about nurse confidence and bereavement care and the truth is, most care givers (from the nurses to the md) are not comfortable with this aspect of labor and delivery. Thankfully. The nurse manager was very receptive to my suggestion of making sure when they are training the staff on how to use it, they train the staff on how to offer it. I emailed her a word for word enactment of how to offer the cuddle cot to a patient. Every nurse will have their own personal flavor to it of course. But at least now they are staying true to the whole point of the cot in the first place. I feel Joislen and I are so close to being able to rest with this aspect of this endeavor. I would still like the staff to have more bereavement support. But if I've had a hard time having a donated piece of medical equipment to be used. I cannot imagine the task difficulty of trying to get some bereavement training implemented. But I am hopeful. Joislen was born there, I did my clinical rotation there, I serve on boards there, joislens friends Ozlan and Luca (and others) were born there....I have sentimental attachment to that hospital, and I really want to see them do better. The good news is Ucsd is an educational hospital and they want to grow, they want to do better, and they have been receptive to change. That is more than other hospitals can say, and even though the process has been devastating on my heart. I must remember if Joislen was here. She would be driving me up the wall. I would have my days of feeling defeated too. Motherhood is a journey, and this cuddle cot chapter is part of my motherhood journey with Joislen. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I have tagged members of the only family who was able to use the cuddle cot so far at Ucsd. (Our angels were pulling strings with that one thanks baby Ozlan!) Because I wanted to hear their account of how it helped. Or even if it wasn't used much, how the equipment helped them to realize there was no rush. I was able to actually meet this family in the middle of it all, and that aspect is another part that I think is very important and I hope peer support is incorporated in the future, too, but I'd like to hear how, if any at all, do u feel the cuddle cot helped your family, or improved your time with Ozlan in any way.
I love you guys
Happy 4 months Ozlan.