Today is Billy's angelversary and..

May 31, 2016

Beth Allen wrote this sweet dedication to her boy
"You never think you would have life end up with you having baby die. I never thought as a kid and teen, as I imagined my life, that it would end with me losing a baby. It is just something that you don’t even think happens. Until it happens. Then it feels like it is going to kill you.
I didn’t even know the depth and grief of still birth until I had experienced it. It hit me like a ton of bricks.
It is crazy, I can still remember it like it was yesterday. Every feeling, every moment is as fresh in my mind now, Four years later as it was that day.
I have so many feelings right now, I am on overload and am numb. I am shocked and numb and mad and sad. I will post whatever I need to whenever I need to in order to get through this with my sanity and my faith still intact. I am not wallowing in my grief. I know other people grieve too. I am not depressed. I am not any of the things people have already said to me. I held my dead baby four years ago and I have a right to be sad if I want to and I have a right to…..well……do whatever I want to. I will not have anyone telling me how to grieve or that I shouldn't grieve and I should choose to move on. I don’t need people to respond to what I write. I am not looking for sympathy or words or anything I am just looking to get this off of my chest and this is how I choose to do just let me be!
The biggest thing that I want people to know by reading this story of loss is that GOD IS GOOD. I have been mad at Him, and have yelled and screamed to Him, I have quit reading my Bible and quit praying and quit going to church…….none of it made me feel any better. The only thing that brought me healing was diving into His word and staying in His word. Being in a constant state of prayer……begging God to carry me. If I didn’t have Him in my life and my heart I would totally be in the loony bin right now, because I know I would have had at least one mental break. God is good, bad things happen but He is good. He hurts for us, He knows our pain. He cares. He loves us and wants to bring us healing."

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