May 7, 2016

I remember before Joislen was born I wasn't sure what to do with my hair. I wanted a convenient style, yet I wanted to be bare when I met her. I intentionally decided to style my natural hair, pack no make-up, and stop getting my nails done before she got here. It's like I was getting ready for the biggest date of my life that required nothing but raw love. I wanted to be fair to my newborn who didn't have a chance to "get ready". She was meeting me in the purest form of humanity and I didn't want her to think I was anyone other than who I am. I'm not some extravagant beauty queen. I'm just mom. I know it sounds silly but I wanted us both to be just us; it was our little deal. 

If only I knew how much glory I would be meeting her in. I mean, how exposed we both were was more reality and bareness than I bargained for. How deep in hell I had to go almost consumed me. It was there I realize there was nothing in death for either of us. I found my girl joyously with the Lover of my soul. 

I wanted our hearts to meet that day and they did. I remember being in love with this handiwork of God; this product of the best parts of me and my husband. I remember adoring this extension of myself, of the three of us---seeing the generations this girl embodied, our lineage in her motionless blood. Oh, but in His, her purpose ever-flows. I know my love shakes heaven. I know she knows. I know He tells her. 

And I know my dream of meeting her in the essence of unpretentious Love, is but a beat away. My dearest friend, the closest to my heart. We have met in every way other than how people meet.
You've lived inside of me, I've cradled your mortal body, and our spirits dance together oft. Yet Joislen. In a sense. We are yet to formally meet. Though I reckon the depth of our love never needed no small talk anyway. Here we are baby. Before Him. Before each other. Forever us. Mothering your legacy is a privilege, honor, and duty i will never abandon. You are worth the re-route in my plans. Somehow though, we are right on track my little darling. Love you sunshine. 

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