how dwayne would respond when someone asks him how many kids he has

he said that he would answer 2 or 1 depending on what came to mind at the time. He said the answer would vary because she's not physically here. He said when he did mention her, he would probably say, i have a daughter in FL and one that was stillborn.

 i guess. for (weird) men it's hard to consistently acknowledge a life you made but never experienced. and for that very reason their grief is contrast to ours. its more painful for a woman than losing anyone else. but for dwayne? i think it's a tragedy that he probably doesn't feel justified (in his rationality) greatly grieving over or letting redefine him as a person. he is changed. but because i am changed. it just affects him totally different. he expressed early on in the hospital, feeling like his seed had failed in so many words. looking at me as just the carrier. so he did internalize her death some.

Although our grief is different, he loves her furiously. and he allows me to do whatever I need to do to be okay. He thinks of what she would be doing if she were here sometimes. and how she would've look with life in her body. I say all this to say that I have more understanding at times, from angel moms, than I will ever have from my husband. And that's okay. that's why God has given us girlfriends. To vent to. relate to. share struggles with. and encourage each other. Dwayne has some responsibility, but he isn't God, so i cannot expect him to handle me as perfectly as the One who made me.

In London, they have real awards, like the one this man was given at the Butterfly Awards, "Inspirational Father Award". Thereafter, he composed this piece in honor of their daughter Grace, telling the man's perspective in stillbirth. we are thankful to have connected with our newest friends through loss, in the face of great tragedy. May the memories of our daughters continue to push us higher, until we see them again. Cheers to present and compassionate father's. Blessings.  "A Father's perspective" <~click on that title