Day 30 – REFLECTION

This past month has been invigorating. I had no idea what would come of this. I was kinda just wandering through this thing called grief, looking for something comfortable and engaging to do during the initial time where I thought I'd be raising my daughter. instead though, we are raising Him. Chapters of our book were birthed through this 30 days. It's funny cuz God told me to write a book. But I didn't want to in the tradition 'sit in front of microsoft word day after day' kind of way. So--He allowed me to find this capture your grief thing. Which forced me to reflect and tell, while being able to be in my grief bubble, playing on Facebook with my new angel mom friends. Nice compromise, God! He meets us where we are at, and He knew just what I needed after all that had transpired. I needed Him to tend to my wounds while I was tending to His work. I was desperate for koinonia. (Fellowship in Hebrew) Everyday my perception is challenged. I work hard to have an eternal perspective, and to speak in line with the truth I believe. For example. I don't speak of Joislen in past tense (unless talking about a memory), so not to dishonor her eternal spirit. I do not let my heart bully my brain into thinking this is worse than it is. It is nothing fun. And nothing pretty. Don't get me wrong. But I keep these truths in mind. 'We are all going to die. Life is short. The world can be soooooo ugly. She bypassed all this. I will see my daughter again. She is okay. She wants me okay, too.' Those kinds of thoughts are so helpful in healing; to practice taming our tongue and conditioning our minds. I may need a q-tip, but I'm pretty sure the rest of the book got written. Who knows how the journey to print will go. But we'll get there. My brother Paul, one of my greatest supports through all of this, always calls me a nomad. He said that every time he hears this quote, he thinks of me. "Not all those who wander are lost" today's pictures represent reflection. Her reflecting us, me reflecting her, and all of us reflecting Him. ‪#‎joislengrace‬ ‪#‎captureyourgrief‬ ‪#‎whathealsyou‬ ‪#‎joislen‬