day 3: in honour of

Oct 3, 2015


Day 3: in honour ‪#‎joislen‬ ‪#‎joislengrace‬ ‪#‎captureyourgrief‬ ‪#‎whathealsyou‬

I am doing this project in loving memory of Joislen Grace Taylor, my first biological child. Joisey is a very special girl. When mommy was trying to find out the gender early she was playing with her cord for the picture and we thought she was a boy for a week. Dwayne was so happy. I was so sad. And a week later she stopped with her jokes and showed she was a baby girl and we were both thankful. I created her name. There are others with her name in the world, but none spelled like her. Her auntie tiffany's middle name is where I learned of it. The Joi in her name is from me, my middle name is Joy. The len is from her God mother, Leneen, (whose len came from our dad) and my niece, Leniya. The grace in her middle name is after her grandma Hart with the same middle name.

Joislen was a sweet companion. I remember one day when daddy was out of town for work we went to the pool together. It's not like I thought. I'm going to go to the pool I'm so tired and pregnant. It was like. Joisey girl you wanna go to the pool today? And we enjoyed the sun together. I loved that day. Joislen has a testimony and it is powerful. "Joyous for life" the Lord told me of my girl; long before I even knew her, and that she is. I have ultrasound DVDs with her I haven't watched yet. In my favorite one, she smiled. I saw her yawn 3x. She talked a lot, saw her yap yapping in just about every ultrasound. She especially loved the violin. When I listened to classical music she had a much stronger response to violin songs. Turns out her grandma sawyer used to play the violin. And though she was with me by default, her very favorite time of day is when daddy came home from work. there are a lot of people that love her.

A lot of people were very angry and confused when Joislen went to be with Jesus. But thankfully most have come around and decided to support us in our decision of acceptance and celebration through the tears. My hopes and dreams for her were first things first that she would be a woman of faith. I also thought of her being a soccer player. I knew she would be creatively inclined, wasn't sure if it would be writing drawing or singing. I know, although her pregnancy was my first, that something was very unique about her. I knew she was going to impact the world we live in. And it's safe to say she's just begun leaving her legacy. I had hoped for the simple things. Being at home laying between me and daddy, just being her perfect self. Our flight home for the holidays in December. At least now when we are traveling she won't keep anyone up on the plane. 😏 She was so wanted, that I longed to give her to a handful of people, and was disappointed when I didn't have that option to share her physically with anyone. The specific things that remind me of her, (other than everything) are elephants, yellow butterflies, and the violin. I can go on for days about her, I wasn't just pregnant. I was mothering already. In speech and deed. That was our mother daughter time. And I made the most of it.

Noble Gracious
Rational (she is a thinker like her daddy not emotional like momma)
Revolutionary I love you so much.

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