Oct 27, 2015

I am a childless mother. I feel disappointed and blessed. I feel like my heart is bleeding. Yet, beating stronger because of her. Joislen's death has changed me. Forever for the good. Temporarily for the bad. What do I like about the new me? I'm more productive with less effort. It's probably just His strength in my weakness that I am trying to explain. What do I miss about the old me? Naïvety. Lala land was so good to me for quite some time. Today's picture is from day one of this project when I went to capture the sunrise that early morning. It's a picture of me smiling through the pain. That's the name of the game these days. There's plenty that has transpired, is transpiring, and still needs to transpire. And tears have been a faithful companion through it all. The scripture "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy" -Psalm 126:5 is often understood to mean one day you'll get some happiness for all the tears that you cry. But as I am living this scripture. I understand it to mean something different to me. They that sow, in tears. Meaning. You do the work you need to do, through the pain. Will reap. In joy. Meaning whatever you are sowing while heartbroken, you will reap the rewards of what you are sowing, joyously. While I am unable to stop the tears I cry. They are equally unable, to stop me. Think moulin rouge says it best. "The show must go on" ‪#‎joislengrace‬ ‪#‎captureyourgrief‬ ‪#‎joislen‬ ‪#‎whathealsyou‬

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