Day 22- Dreams + Rituals

Oct 22, 2015

Although I am a dreamer, I haven't had any sweet or vivid dreams of my Joislen yet. I more so have visions of her while I am awake. Two days after she passed I laid in bed and got a tour of heaven from my daughter. It was so lovely, even through the pain. Just good to know she is truly okay. I am excited for the future to see what kind of relationship her siblings will have with her. It's too soon to know what we will do annually. But I see us going in a walk/awareness kind of direction over the cake and party type thing. We aren't big on birthdays and holidays. Today's picture is of me holding her physical self. And while I would like to go back to this moment and kiss her some more. While I would like to go to two days before this and take her out just in time. Those options aren't possible. What is possible though, is the glorious day. When I will lay eyes on my gorgeously vivacious daughter. When I will hear her saying "mommy mommy mommy!" running up to me. I will squat down. And she will be hugging me ever so tight, to where she knocks me over with great force of anticipation. and she will say something along the lines of (While giving me kisses between every few words) "I missed you soooo much. I am so proud of you mommy. You never lost faith. You never gave up. And now? We never have to say goodbye again. I love you mommy". Yeah. That day. Will make everything else worth it. The heavenly day when Joislen holds my hand. And takes me to her favorite worship spot in heaven. And we kneel down before the Lord in adoration. She will kneel first. Then I will kneel over her, put my arms under her tummy and bring her unto me, once again. The sting of death will be no more. And we will worship together, just like we used to on earth; except infinitely better. Because this time, will have no end. #joislengrace #captureyourgrief #joislen #whathealsyou

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