D3 has been in his pack and play for the first time the whole night he usually does half the night (or 20 minutes) in it. n then joins mommy for the rest.. But this time he let me put him back in...this has freed me to cuddle up with Joislen bear who I missed so much.
It's like the two earth babies thing. Many mommas share how they feel bad cuz they have been more neglectful towards their older child when they had a new baby. This is my version and portion of those feelings. Or when I haven't gotten to update her blog as much. It's hard juggling two under two 😏 but we're making it 💛 sure her life and safety isn't at stake...but I sure wish those were my issues. Nevertheless... nurturing Joislen's legacy is of equal maternal importance to me as raising my son. Cuz I view them both as creatures of immense purpose whom I had the honor of carrying and birthing. Obviously if it's between saving my son's life or helping a grieving mom u know what I'll chose. I just mean. Raising Dwayne to be a fine young man. And continuing to fuel Joislen's impact, are equally important to me. My heart is charged with a unique task to mother a child who lives in heaven. And I'm up for the challenge. How I am with my two isn't cuz my loss is fresh. This is just the standard we are setting for embracing all that is our family dynamics. Yesterday today and always.
U have to understand....I didn't lose Joislen when she was 30 so I didn't have decades to experience being her mom. I lost her before I had her. So I will have decades to experience being her mom in the ways we are allotted. I understand she doesn't need me as an earthen child needs their mother. But many grieving families need to know that there is hope in the darkness of pregnancy and infant loss, and delivering that message is how I feel maternal gratification and connection amidst tragic loss. Our relationship is somewhat of a ministerial partnership. It's our labor of love. Because He first loved us 💛