day 31: sunrise

Nov 4, 2015

As I watched this sunset, 4 days never late, 'oceans (where feet may fail)' by Hillsong, played on Pandora. My husband and I walked down the aisle to that song. Joislen was 6 weeks at the time, as her rents celebrated their union. What did I see this evening? I saw everything. I saw love and peace and colors and elephants and butterflies--yellow ones, I saw hope. I saw yesterday and tomorrow and the lucidity of time. I saw how near and far and final and temporary everything, really, is. The sun went from hiding behind clouds, much like Joislen's life that hid inside my uterus for its entire duration. To descending. Lower and lower. Until it was no more, yet always is. I saw a sun I couldn't see, still brightening a coast; much like my daughter, who wears her destiny better than some wear the opportunities she will never see, yet never needed to, no way. 'Fix my eyes', by for King and country came on right when the sun set. A reminder. that since I lost sight of her physical self, to always stay focused on the One who has her eternal self. I am so aware of my fragility. I am so aware of His majesty. I have made peace with death, cuz my God already foresaw it, ordained it, and conquered it. Hallelujah! I'm sure you can guess whose hand encloses that heart in the middle picture. See you so soon my sweet and loving daughter. My gorgeous fruit. My sacrificial seed. I love you way past forever. You are not my storm Joislen Grace Taylor. And you will be my dancing partner all throughout this wretched life, till our 'no more goodbyes', begins. Mommy just has some work to do, and then I will cross that hurdle you so bravely did. You are courageous. You are captivating. You are. In Him. You are. San Diego, CA 4:55pm ‪#‎joislengrace‬ #joislengrace ‪#‎joislen‬ ‪#‎whathealsyou‬

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