the vision

Oct 24, 2009

Joislen was born this day. Sure. 6 years later i gave birth to her body. But on this day. God shared His vision for my life with me, and she was part of it. This happened on a Saturday in October of 2009. at a woman's prayer breakfast at my church in virginia. I was waiting for someone to come pray with me and the Lord said "i will pray for you". At this moment i lifted my hands and closed my eyes. And He gave me the vision. The picture included is a picture of my journal entry from 6 years ago, I jotted down this entry after I saw the vision. the vision went like this: (by the way, 3 of my loved ones have known about this vision since 2009. I couldn't make this stuff up--here it is, verbatim)

I was in a labor room. pushing travailing. push push push, labor pains. finally. something comes out. when i open my eyes (in the vision) there is a book, hovering over my knees, with a light shining on it. i come out of the vision. praising God. "amen! im going to write a book one day" i thought was all that meant. I always write and come from a family of writers so this was just confirmation. before i knew it i was drawn back into the vision. i was back in labor. same course of events. pushing. travailing. push push push. baby comes out. another baby comes out. I look to my left and my husbands hand is on top of mine. and that was the end of the vision. After I lost Joislen, and nearly my mind and will to live, God brought me back to this day. He reminded me that He was in control. He showed me, that He already told me, that the first time i went into labor, my reward wouldn't be a living child. it would be a book. Joislen is my book. Joislen Grace is my story. I am able to come out of this furnace victoriously, because God has purpose in it. He is controlling the gauge. I couldn't imagine the vision was literal. I was literally going to go through labor? I thought it was just one of those "pregnant with purpose" things (men can be pregnant with purpose) but no. I would LITERALLY give birth to my book. Joislen is a lot to me. She's my first born. She's my daughter. My angel baby, my best friend. Joislen, is also my story.

as if this wasn't meaning enough for what I had gone through. I noticed this random sentence under the journal entry that I dont remember writing. It doesnt make any sense for the vision I had 6 years ago. but When i flipped there when Joislen died. i saw these words. "like a baby who doesn't understand the pain mom is in, joyous for life". what does that even mean? God took me back to the moment in the hospital when i was agonizing, bawling hysterically over her tiny and perfect, lifeless body. He told me Trish, she doesn't understand your pain. She went from the comfort and love of your womb, to my presence. shes okay Trish. She's okay, and she wants you to be okay. She? is Joyous. for life. (For Pete sake her name is Joislen, joyous...even sounds similar) and with that? The sting of death has gone.

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